Speaking to your children
Overview | Young Children | Teens/Young Adults

The teenage years are filled with exploration, experimentation, and introspection. Teenagers like to feel independent while still wanting that connection to their parents. This creates a challenge when they are experiencing these feelings at the same time. When a parent is diagnosed with cancer, it presents yet another challenge to the teenager and his/her family.

Below are tips that may prove to be helpful when teens are present in a family dealing with a cancer diagnosis:

  1. Teenagers are unpredictable. Recognize that there are a variety of responses teenagers may have, and keep in mind that teenagers may be uncomfortable with some or all of their feelings and thoughts about your cancer.
  2. Teenagers want detailed information. This is especially true when it comes to information about diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. They may seek out further information on their own in addition to what you have provided.
  3. Teenagers need to know the truth and may feel particularly sensitive to information they feel is incomplete or inaccurate.
  4. Teenagers need privacy. They may or may not want to talk about the experience with their family. Reassure your teenagers that they can receive support from other sources, like an aunt, a friend’s parent, a teacher, clergy person or another member of the extended family.
  5. Teenagers often write about and reflect upon their inner thoughts. Encourage your teenagers to share these feelings and concerns. They can also channel this energy to athletics, journaling or other creative arts.
  6. Teenagers who want to contribute to caregiving should be allowed to participate in tasks that respect they are not adults, and yet no longer young children.
  7. Encourage teenagers who want to accompany their family member to treatment in order to see the facility and meet the treatment team. This can help them feel more in control about how your medical care is provided.
  8. Teenagers need consistency. Make an effort to ensure that they will still attend normal activities and social events.
  9. Teenagers struggle with the need for independence. A parent’s illness may make this more difficult. Encourage your teenager to spend time with friends in age-appropriate activities.
  10. Teenagers are often self-conscious. A teenager whose parent has cancer may feel even more different. To help your teenagers understand that there are others going through a similar experience, you might suggest that they participate in a support group, peer-to-peer network or online chat room.